For This I Love Myself!

These are words I wish to share with you.. They were sent to me. I feel they are so special and speak clearly of a truth that surrounds us all.

I was once just like you
I hated myself back then
I know you very well
For this, you don’t like me at all
I am the rejected one
I was the one that no one really wanted around
So yes, I went away
And it looked to you, as though I were abandoning you
Did you ever stop to think or try to understand
How I was feeling, the pain I was enduring?

I left because I had to cry and search
Without your judgments, pity and anger
Without interference and your truths
I had to find out how to stop the pain
How to see and correct what was wrong inside of me
How to change the way I was thinking and acting
How to stop the tormenting screaming in my mind
To end the jumbled thoughts that had tied themselves in knots
And caused the pain in my head
While my heart was crashing and shattering
Into fragments of dust

Questions had to be answered
I left to find the answers
Things had to change
I left to learn that change
The cycle of abuse and lies had to be broken
I had to break it

Why was my family hating each other and calling that hate love?

How did love get so twisted in our minds?

Why were there so much: judgment, jealousy, anger, resentment, pride and competition
Between people who professed to love each other so deeply?

How do we call degradation, humiliation, intimidation and non-forgiveness love?

How do we call deceit, denial and pretence love?

If we speak to each other with anger in our hearts
Should we call that love?

If our rage causes us to become physically violent
Should we call that love?
If we are jealous and pretend not to be
Should we call that love?

If we judge and mock each other
Should we call that love?

If we gossip behind each other’s back
Should we call that love?

If we fight and argue
Should we call that love?

If we strike each other in our rage
Should we call that love?

Then if we hold resentment for all of this
Should we call it love?

Our family taught that if we did not fight and argue we did not love???
Therefore if we did not abuse each other we did not love!
I had to somehow change this belief!

Yes I went away to find the answers
To change the things that had to be changed
To understand how it all got this way
To deal with my pain and forgive myself and all of you
To learn how to truly love
And yes I found the answers
I would love to share them with you
I stepped out of denial
Broke the cycle of abuse
And Into LOVE
For myself, my children, my grandchildren, their children and so on
For this I am grateful to myself
For this I now Love Myself
And I can teach my children how to love
Maybe my grandchildren will be loved!

by Angel Femia

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