Article written by David Nelmes
“You can let go of the past by understanding it has no meaning
for what you are trying to accomplish today.
You can learn from the past, but you can’t live there.
Let it go. It will only hold you back.
Imagine a loved one, child, mother, wife, friend…. Now imagine a circumstance arose by which you felt betrayed by that loved one. Whether you really were betrayed does not matter. The fact you felt betrayed is the only thing that counts, because real or not, it is very real to you.
Without facts and knowledge, you have only your perceptions, but you might not be seeing things as they really are and should not put that much weight in their conclusions. All too often, you don’t see the full picture or have all the facts, so you should allow yourself to consider that your perception of a situation may be distorted, even though it seems clear to you. You could very easily have erred with that person and you wouldn’t have a clue as to how, why or where you are wrong. You can only conclude that the sun orbits the earth since you would definitely feel the earth moving if it were spinning. Never trust your perceptions by themselves.
Throughout your life, you may find it difficult to trust that person, or even to face them at all. We all experience the sense of betrayal differently, but it usually consists of feelings of anger, distrust, distance and uneasiness. It might also contain feelings of guilt and remorse for the relationship you wish you had, but don’t.
For most people, betrayal is treated by simply putting that other person out of your life. If you don’t see them or talk to them, they can’t hurt you any more. It is a form of denial, in that you are denying the possibility of the situation being repaired. Since you can’t even begin to comprehend how to repair the problem, keeping distance between the both of you appears to be the best solution.
Sooner or later, a situation may arise whereby you are in dire need of help and this person extends their hand to you. Your knowledge of the person ensures you that they can help you, but how could you possibly trust this person? How could you possibly let yourself be put into the position again where this person can betray you? In addition, letting this person help you would require you to forgive them, and that is exactly what you have to do. Forgive. If this were accomplished, there would be instant opportunities to establish trust. Once you trust, you can build. There will be no obstacle you can’t overcome.
You have the opportunity to create the foundation for a new beginning with anyone in or outside of your life. Whether you have a current need of them or not, having unconditionally forgiven them will open the doors of peace and trust. This will provide an opportunity to build a new relationship.
How do you forgive? There a just a few simple things you must consider:
- Nothing in the past can be undone
Restitution can be made for past events, such as replacing property stolen or fixing items broken, but you can not undo the fact that the situation occurred. You need to let go of the past by understanding it has no meaning for what you are trying to accomplish today. You can learn from the past, but you can’t live there. Let it go. It will only hold you back. Your future and the future of those around you do not have to be based upon the past. Think of your grown children. At some point you must forget how you viewed them in the past or you will always view and treat them as a child. Just as you release the past for your children to accept them as grown adults today, you must release the past for those that hurt you and treat them as unblemished today. If you let go of the past, forgiveness is automatic.
- The future can not be controlled
Promises are our way of creating bonds with loved ones and business partners, but how shallow and how pointless are these promises when we realize that there is no way we can guarantee what the future may hold. We can’t control the future. We can’t control what we promised it would be. If our promises are not kept, we are both at fault for having believed the future could be controlled in some way. Make goals; have dreams; have expectations, but don’t cast blame when things don’t unfold as planned. There should be nothing to forgive because you are both equally wrong for having put faith in such expectations. Learn from it, grow from it, plan for it, but never cast blame. Just keep moving forward.
- Today is all that matters
Having set aside guilt or hatred from the past and not allowing yourself to be stressed or affected by events that may or may not happen in the future, Today is the most wonderful and beautiful day of your life. Your ability to think, feel and appreciate will grow to levels you never dared dream, and the peace of living will return to you. Life is not stressful once you’ve let go of the past and stopped looking so far into your future. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never happen. Live for today. It’s the only place you’ll ever be and it’s all that matters.
David Nelmes – David considers it a wonderful blessing that his insight and writings can provide opportunities for those around him to see things from perspectives they had not considered before. He pursues Gods truths and is open and willing to see what God would have him see. He invites you to join him.
His influences consist of truly being open to seeing and applying the truths he has discovered through life and through both the “Bible” and “A Course in Miracles“.
You can visit David’s website at: http://www.BeingWilling.com