Posted byJoanne Wellington for Mediums World
Your children are not your children
They are the sons and daughters of life longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
Which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backwards nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children
As living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
And he bends you with his might
That his arrows may go swift and far,
Let your bending in the archer’s hand before gladness;
For ever as he loves the arrow that flies,
So he loves also the bow that is stable.
–Kahlil Gibran (From “The Prophet“)
Commentary by Joanne Wellington
Due to our attachment with our children, it is quite common to have a feeling that we own them – especially in their younger years. Many parents consider children an extension of themselves and thus thrust their dreams upon them – in a way using them to fulfill what they could not fulfill in their own lives – to complete themselves in a sense. Also since parents derive pride from the achievements of children, there is a tendency to push them to perform in many ways, not considering what the child really wants.
It is important to realize that children come with their own individuality, their own purpose, which may not be in alignment with what we as parents have in mind for them. Children are like seeds that a gardener sows. What the gardener can do is to provide the best environment in which the seed can sprout, mature, and become the tree the seed came here to be. As a devoted caretaker, the gardener ensures that the plant gets the right support it needs at different stages in order to grow well. However whether the seed will become a mango tree or a fig tree, the gardener cannot control – that has been already determined by something within the seed.
Every soul desires freedom. Only love is not enough – binding someone we love is not real love. We must set our children free to sing the song they came here to sing. Restricting/Controlling what a child can become builds resentment which can last a lifetime, and can bring regret to parents. It can also cause developmental issues where the child perceives everyone around them as inhibiting their freedom, thus making them less effective in all relationships they form throughout life. From a spiritual standpoint, children only come through us – we do not create them. It is a privilege that they have happened through us. The best we can do is enjoy the privilege that another life chose to come through us into this world, and support their purpose to the best of our abilities.
♥ .•´ ¸.•*¨) blessings … ♥ (¸.•´(¸.• Joanne ¯`•.¸¸.♥
- Raising Emotionally Healthy Children (everydayhealth.com)
- Becoming a mother (mediumsworld.wordpress.com)