Posts Tagged Forgiveness
Most of us feel upset and resentful from time to time, and for some that feeling seems to almost always be with us. The word “resent” means literally to refeel, so those who carry resentments are simply replaying unhappy times in their lives over and over again. One lady I worked with at one time kept saying to me, “But how can I feel happy when my husband is gone.” I would usually tell her that she could feel sad that he was no longer with her, but she could begin to let go of the constant feelings of grief. She insisted that wasn’t possible. She would tell me that no matter how engrosing whatever she was doing was, she would also be thinking of how much she missed her husband and about all the things she wished she had done differently in her life with him..
It is very difficult to shift our thinking from one channel to another, but it can be done with lots and lots of practice. The process can begin with the realization that no matter how hard we work at it, we can not change reality. My patient’s husband was not going to come back, and she would never be able to change the way her life with him had been. By spending so much of her energy resenting the fact that he was gone, she was in effect poisoning the current monments in her life. We talked about the fact that her husband would not have wanted her to think that way, and gradually she began to see that she could begin to shift her thinking to more positive thoughts.
Many people allow their thinking to get stuck in certain tracks, and they come to believe that it is not possible to change this. Their take on life is that they feel what they feel, and there is no way to feel differently. In recent years, science has come a long way toward proving that what we think determines what plays out in our lives. It doesn’t do so directly, of course, or we would all be winning the lottery all the time. But when we think we are helpless to change our thinking, we find that is true in our lives. When we begin to think about all the ways we might be able to shift our thought processes, we find we can do that occasionally. Since practice makes perfect, we find that our ability to change our thinking can grow.
To give you an example of how this words, I will tell you that my parents lived through the “great depression” just prior to my birth. It colored their lives and I grew up thinking that no matter how much I had, it was never enough. Eventually I realized that my thoughts were always of scarcity, so scarcity was what I attracted to my life. I worked very hard at shifting my thoughts to abundant thinking. I would get mail from many worthy causes asking for donations. In the past, I always felt that I did not have enough to give funds away. Slowly I sifted my thinking to the realization that I might not have much, but I had more than many others, so I opted to share the little I had. Since I was sending out abundant thoughts into the universe, the abundance in my life grew and grew.
If you have decided you want to learn to control your own thoughts (which will indeed change the way you view life and the people in it) you can begin by taking baby steps and progress from there. Whenever, you find your thinking is going around and around like a hampster on a wheel, tell youself that you would like to change the way you are thinking. The way that works best for me is to ask for help from a power greater than myself. I simply say, “Please help me not think this way.” It helps if you have some more positive thoughts available. Think about something for which you are grateful. Think, perhaps, about the reward you will give yourself when you have achieved a change in thinking. Above all else, do not be discouraged when your thoughts shift back into an old rut. Simply allow yourself to be aware that this has happened, and try again. It will work if you work at it.
Sherry – About the Author:
I’m a retired senior, married 53 years, and have three sons and two grand children. I’ve written all my life but have only published two books and one workbook. I worked over 20 years as an addictions’ counselor. My most recent book is of scripture based daily meditations and is titled “Talks with our Creator.” Information about the book can be found at http://www.Sherryschultz377.com/MyBookBlog.
Spirituality, we can say, is the ability to cultivate one part of the man’s nature; his spirit, through meditation, through internalization, by meeting with himself. This experience somehow implies a certain detachment from the dimension of the material and body.
The human being in its depth has the ability to grasp what lies beyond appearances, beyond what is seen and listened, the thought, the feeling. He apprehends the other side of things. They are not just things. They could represent symbols and metaphors of another reality beyond that, a sign from what they were, what they remind, an underlying meaning.
Human beings can perceive values and meanings, not just facts and events. What really matters is not the things that happen to us, but what they mean for our lives and the experiences they provide us. Things then start to have another meaning: remind us of what we have experienced and feed our inner selves. It is not without reason that some people surround themselves with objects that bring to them good memories. Those objects are no longer objects. They are stories, they speak, remember, they are meaningful to the heart.
Perceiving things in this way, the depth of the world, of others and his own depth is spirituality. Spirituality is the moment of consciousness by which we grasp the meaning and value of things. Furthermore, it is that state of consciousness through which we see the whole and ourselves as part and parcel of that whole. The uniqueness of human beings is to experience their own depth. Listening to themselves, they realize that it is from their heart, that feelings like compassion, love, the identification with others as one, emerge. They realize a divine presence that is always with us, always inside us.
Accept this energy belongs to our experience of life, hear it, and integrate it into your lives. It is spirituality in its basic essence. This energy is present in every person and in all stages of life. The depth represents to us the human spirit, feeling it, is what we call spirituality.
This experience has an effect of irradiation of serenity, of deep peace and fearlessness. We can feel loved, accepted and we realize that we are never alone. Spirituality is a way of life, a basic attitude to be lived at all times and under all circumstances. Even within the daily dealings of home, work, even when driving a car, or talking to our friends, or living in intimacy with the loved ones. The person that accepts their own spiritual depth in his everyday life can have more peace, will radiates vitality and enthusiasm, because they know that they carry within themself something bigger. They belong to something wider, as spiritual awareness is within their presence.
This spirituality, in modern life is sometimes so forgotten, though is necessary condition for an integrated and simple life. It can be even a way to understand the cause of our fears and complexes, like those that are more difficult to be understood by many; the transition is one of them.
For a spiritual person transition is a natural process of life, it not a beginning nor end, but transformation of spiritual heart, the next step.
Tolga Savas – About the Author:
Tolga maintains a spiritual website at kumalak.com.au, online psychic shares his passion on psychic readings, psychic chat online, dream analysis and kumalak readings. Kumalak the Mirror of Destiny – One Good Turn Deserves Another.
When we think of our wellbeing, the first thing that usually comes to mind is our physical health. We equate it with how fit we are, how healthy the food we eat is, and how much vitamins and mineral supplements we ingest. But how often do we primarily equate it with spiritual development? How many of us view having inner balance, a sense of oneness and peace with the world as something that truly completes us? If you feel that you need to work on this area of your life, here are some of the essential keys you need to know and practice:
Control your thoughts. Spiritual development starts with removing all negativity from your thoughts. For instance, if you’re the type who always thinks of the worst case scenario, train yourself to be rational. Did your spouse fail to return your calls or messages on time? Rather than quickly assuming that they may have gotten into an accident, think of alternative, less nerve-wracking reasons. They may be in an area where the signal is pretty bad; hence they are unable to respond. Or they may have gotten caught up in a last minute emergency meeting in the office. Choosing to think of the “lesser evil” of the possible reasons will help calm you down and sustain your inner balance.
Control your actions. Your actions in the heat of the moment reflect the state of your inner balance. Don’t let your knee-jerk reactions get in the way of your spiritual development. You need to be in control of yourself during trying times. Getting carried away will only open you up to a world of regret when you have calmed down and reflected on your unsavory behavior. So if you want to minimize regrets and lessen the chances of destroying relationships permanently, count one to ten before you slap the offending party in the face!
Control your emotions. Spiritual development is also dependent on your ability to control your emotions. If you get easily flustered, panicky or hysterical when you hear bad news, get insulted or receive poor reviews, you won’t be able to attain inner balance and peace. Not to mention you will surely end up with high blood pressure and extreme anxiety which could lead to serious health issues! So the way to solve this is to build emotional resilience. Learn to detach yourself from the smallest, most insignificant things and focus only on those that matter. Handle crisis, stress and pressure calmly and with a level head. It also helps to plan ahead for outcomes you can easily predict; that way you’re not caught unaware and you lessen your chances of going on panic mode.
Be open-minded and flexible. Some of us can be micromanaging control freaks! If you are one, then surely you know the feeling of having your inner balance thrown off when things don’t go your way. If you give your child maths lessons so that he gets an A+ in the test, then he comes home with an A-minus, it’s not the end of the world. Don’t plan your travel itinerary to the letter because you might get crushed when the museum you planned to visit happens to be closed that day. Learn to look past the disappointments and focus on the good things. Learning to adapt to situations keeps you calm and, as a result, helps you achieve spiritual development.
Practice tolerance. In order to be at peace with yourself and with the world, you need to accept that people are different. There are cultures, religions, norms, political views and social practices that may seem alien to you, but if you exercise tolerance and respect for others, you will easily achieve spiritual development. Remove all prejudice and hatred from your heart. You will become a much better person without being weighed down by “preconceived garbage” in your heart and mind. Live and let live; with this maxim, attaining inner balance should be a cinch.
Achieving internal harmony need not require a trip to a monastery in some far flung nation. The truth is, the process starts and ends within you. So, rather than literally crossing mountains to find your enlightenment, aim to move mountains within by removing all barriers to your spiritual growth and development.
Aim for spiritual development as part of your self growth. Attaining inner balance is essential to one’s life if you wish to live each day with inner peace and a feeling of abundance.
- Developing Will Power and Self Discipline (joannewellington.wordpress.com)