Posts Tagged friendship

Words, Trust and Relationships

Interpersonal relationships are social connections, associations and affiliations between people. They vary in levels of depth and intimacy and cover different aspects such as friendship, family, boy-girl relationship and marriage. Regardless of the different kinds of relationship or the different role which a person plays in a social entity, conflicts may arise and can strain a relationship. Trust is an important element in maintaining a healthy and harmonious relationship. Conflicts normally arise due to the betrayal of trust between two parties in a relationship. Whenever there is a conflict, parties may resort to hurling harsh words and insults on each other which may eventually lead to emotional stress.

TrustTrust is the pillar which supports relationships. Lies are the culprits for distrust and suspicion in relationships. Lies should be taken seriously because for every time a lie is told, the level of trust will drop and create more and more suspicion between parties. Eventually, the person who tells the lies will lose their credibility and this will strain the relationship. In today’s modern society of heightened stress and competition, lies are inevitable and serve as a convenient tool to evade trouble and protect oneself. However, this form of convenience is exchanged with the reduction in trust. A person who has their trust misplaced before may have difficulty trusting people again. Therefore, with regards of relationship, once there is zero trust between both parties, this relationship has failed. Honesty is the best policy!

Words can be the most powerful tool but the most destructive weapon in the world. Words can be in the form of praise and compliment but also a weapon that can hurt and leave an emotional scar in a person. For instance, rumors are able to cause a person to break down and become adversely affected because of the large number of people being involved. When it comes to relationship, hurtful remarks and insults being hurled on a person in the fit of anger during conflicts can deeply affect the person’s psychological and emotional state. The impact of these words can be further intensified especially when it come out from a person who you are closely attached to. The emotional effect may heal over time but it can also change a person’s perception of humanity and relationships permanently.

In conclusion, trust and words are closely related to each other in a relationship. Any incorrect management of these two important elements can strain a relationship. Anger management, character building and emotional stress management are crucial to prevent conflicts and handle any aftermath of failed relationships. Therefore, one should not take things to be granted and learn to cherish relationships.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR —— Michelle Chin | Women, Beauty, Relationship and Lingerie Forum

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How to recognise negative energy

Many of us know the harmful effect of negativity. Napolean Hill, author of Think and Grow Rich says; “There is very little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it’s positive or negative.”

negative energyIt is probably easier to be negative than positive. It is easy to slide into a blaming culture, the poor little old me mindset. We all know the importance of being positive and usually more effort is needed to a maintain positivity as it is easy to slide into negativity.

However, you can avoid negativity and disallow it to ruin your life by recognising them. Negative energy in our life can be ourselves and the people around us.

Personal negativity could come in the form of suspicion, mistrust and self doubt. Very often many of us allow negativity to invade our thoughts, for example, doubting the possibility that things are going smoothly, believing that there is a catch somewhere, always wary about being taken for a ride and being jealous of another person’s achievements. As we are the master of our own destiny and our thoughts can make or break us, such negativity will hinder our progress and even destroy something that is going well.

Negativity energy could also come from people could be our colleagues, our friends and family. When you are around people who say things to cast doubts in your mind, complained about almost everything and whatever other people are doing, it can have a negative effect on your emotions and behaviour. These people live in fear and worry. They can’t control their emotions and they are frequently angry. Being around negative people can drain your energy. Their negativity can lead you to making wrong judgement and decisions.

Sometimes, it may not be possible to stay away from negative people especially if they are family members. However, it is possible to walk away from a negative conversation. Stay away from people who make you doubt yourself or your progress

You know you are becoming a negative person when your venture start failing and your progress get stifled. You will notice that positive people stay away from you and you are surrounded by people who are constantly negative. Eventually, you will become an angry and depressed person.

Remember, nothing gets solved being negative and it will only make worsened our life. Recognise the negative energy, stay away from it and make a conscious effort to be positive.

“Whenever a negative thought concerning your personal power comes to mind, deliberately voice a positive thought to cancel it out.” – Norman Vincent Peale


Avoid negativity and turn your attention to being positive. Join Jennifer Lim as she shares her experience and articles about being positive and self improvement advice in Learning Curve.

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How to soar into 2012!

The beginning of a new year is normally filled with talk about resolutions, how to make the best of 2012, set your goals, etc.. But before we can take on new tasks and goals, we need to clear out the clutter of 2011 and the years before that too. If you are really committed to being successful in every area of your life, you must start eliminating all the things you are tolerating, all the things that you put up with, the things you allow but dislike and disagree with!

soaringEagleMountainWe tend to get dragged down and overwhelmed by things that accumulate over time – and end up cluttering our minds. Now is the time to identify what you’re tolerating! Everything you tolerate drains your energy and the negative effect this has will continue to get worse. The advantages and benefits you will experience once you start to remove tolerations are huge! You will have more energy to spend on improving the quality of your life and you will notice you have more time, as you are not wasting time on managing situations which shouldn´t be there.

Remove the tolerations that make you sigh, the ones that drain your energy. Your aim is to make your environment energy giving and not energy draining. Removing all ¨your tolerations¨ will leave you feeling more energized, more empowered and productive and less overwhelmed. You will feel more focused and have more energy to achieve more in less time.

Besides increasing how much you can accomplish in less time and doubling your productivity, there are many advantages to this exercise. When we don´t put up with so many things we don´t want to, we raise our standards and our quality of life. We will also attract more opportunities because our energy levels will be focused upon what we want to achieve not on what we need to tolerate.

Unless we make changes, we will experience the same results over and over again. The benefits to permanently manage the things you put up with far prevail over any commitment you must make now to resolve them for good. Ask yourself why you are actually tolerating certain situations and what is the benefit or the fear behind allowing this to continue?

Target the tolerations
Start by thinking about a time when you put up with something or someone and you didn´t want to. Perhaps a situation which you knew in your heart was not good for you, it didn´t feel right. Be completely honest with yourself about what needs to go, what’s causing you stress, and what constantly drains you.

Types of tolerations
People Tolerations: We could be putting up with more than we like from other people. What situations can you be more assertive in and/or have open communication to deal with these tolerations. The key is to not build up resentment and anger against somebody, as this leads you to overreact or blow up eventually when you simply can´t put up with somebody anymore.

Health Tolerations: We tolerate our own unhealthy behavior when we don´t exercise, we eat junk and fast food and we gain weight. You are standing in the way of yourself and sometimes you can become your own worst enemy.

Work Tolerations: Having a messy or unorganized office. Not learning new skills and struggling over and again with the same resources you have, hoping for better results. Another big one is being distracted at work, by social media accounts, emails, etc or perhaps constantly being interrupted by colleagues, your boss, your mobile ringing, etc

Personal Tolerations or tolerations at Home: Having a messy cupboard, drawers filled with so much stuff you don´t even want to open it. Not fixing something or putting up with a semi-functioning device instead of taking time to fix it, for example.
We need to also differentiate between tolerations that are ¨soft¨, or easier to correct and tolerations that are ¨hard¨ or more difficult to correct. Below are some examples.

Easier tolerations
An email In-box that gets fuller and fuller every time you look at it
Having a filing system that is a mess and feeling disorganized on a daily basis
Not getting your car serviced – even though it needed to be looked at a month ago!
Time wasters (for example: how much time do you spend watching T.V. instead of doing something worthwhile.)

More difficult Tolerations
More difficult tolerations could be: lack of free time to enjoy yourself
Tolerating difficult relationships or problems because clear boundaries have not been established
Financial issues and a lack of month, increasing debt, etc

Steps to take
1.Write a list of all the tolerations (email me for a copy of the document).
This is an important first step as the process of writing our thoughts down, helps us to discover, identify and clarify our thoughts and feelings. It also is the first step in starting the process of controlling them.

2. Make a vision for yourself.
Picture what your life would be like without the tolerations anymore, think of all the things that will improve, see it in your mind’s eye. What more could you enjoy and accomplish in life?

3.Divide your list into ¨easy¨ and ¨difficult¨ tolerations.
The easy tasks will be quicker to eliminate and control will give you back your time and energy the quickest.

4.Select the tolerations you want to eliminate
I would suggest selecting 4 for the first week, two easier ones and two more difficult. You can do more as the weeks go one. Be realistic and don´t take on more than you know you can´t handle.

5.Make a plan to eliminate those tolerations, a plan of action, with deadlines as well. Take into consideration all you will need to accomplish this successfully. Create boundaries and decide what you will no longer accept. Ask yourself the following questions

– What limitations/boundaries do you need to set?
– What conversations will need to take place and with who?
– What resources must I locate to assist me in this change?
– If I have to tolerate this what is required of me to no longer feel
a drain on my time or energy?
– Do I need to lower or raise my standards in order to be free of
these tolerations?

6.Commit to this long term change
Commit, prepare and expect to deal with the obstacles and challenges you will face along the way. Have a plan so you are able to manage going forward. Also, how will you hold yourself accountable to make these changes and improve the quality of your life, perhaps partner with friend, spouse or even a Coach? Once you have eliminated all the tolerations, you will be in a better position to start setting goals now that the clutter has been cleared.

To Your Success!

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The Adventure That Is Life

I was the oldest of four boys, and after our father died, mother supported us by taking in sewing. We were quite poor. I got an afterschool job as the janitor in a factory; it was the only way I’d have any money.

what's-your-storyAfter a couple of years I got bored with that, so I beat the pavement to just about every business in our small Ontario town. I found a job hammering nails. The cut in pay from $.40 per hour to $.30 per hour was worth it for the new experience. Unfortunately, this was to be a short-lived adventure; my new boss found out I was only 13, and child labor laws kicked in. I went back to my afterschool sweeping and toilets and kept a low profile…

My mother had always wanted me to go to university, but she died in a car crash when I was 16. Nevertheless, the janitoring and summer jobs financed my big adventure of going off to university. I was the first from my mother’s side to do so.

I had come to realize by the time I was 12 that I could choose to look at my life as a series of crises: drowning and resuscitation, abduction and torture, abduction and sexual abuse, father dying, poverty, my teacher labeling me “slow.” Alternatively, I could choose to look at my life as a series of adventures: solo hiking and exploring, hitchhiking to Toronto to spend a week each year at the CNE, long bicycling adventures, building a boat and riding the spring floodwaters amidst the ice jams on the local river, learning to hunt with a 12-gauge shotgun. I chose adventure over crisis.

When you are confronted with a life event, you are given a choice as to how you interpret it. And let’s face it; life has its ups and downs.

A “down” could be a disaster like a marriage failure… or the opening for the adventure of remarriage. I’ve been blessed with that adventure twice.

Another not uncommon disaster is a job loss or business failure that leads to the loss of your hard-earned material possessions. However, losing our business, our house and our vehicles cut our material ties to the east and led to the adventure of starting over on the west coast. Without the business crash two decades ago, my adventures in writing might never have begun.

Family is one of life’s big adventures, and three of my adult children dying in the last five years have been tragic. However, the time before each one died was one of deep mutual reconnection and re-bonding as we said our goodbyes… and that has been another blessing.

The nature of adventure changes with the lifecycle. I gave up motorcycle adventure touring a couple of years ago (downgraded to four wheels) and am now much more focused on my healing work and internet outreach work.

I invite you to reflect on the positive adventures of your life that have arisen from the ashes of the not so positive.


 – About the Author:

Psychologist Dr. Neill Neill maintains an active practice on Vancouver Island, BC, Canada, with a focus on healthy relationships and life after addictions. He is the author of Living with a Functioning Alcoholic – A Woman’s Survival Guide.  Get a copy of his free report “Codependency and Alcohol Addiction” at,

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