Posts Tagged Self-esteem
Are you aware that your mind is always occupied with thoughts? Are you aware that thoughts constantly demand your attention, dictate your behavior and reactions?
Do you sometimes feel that your mind is going to explode from nonstop thinking? Can you focus your attention on what you are doing at any moment, or are you constantly distracted by all kinds of thoughts, negative thinking or negative expectations? You need to learn to overcome your nonstop thinking in order to gain control over your attention.
Do you sometimes wish your mind could just stop thinking for a little while, and let you enjoy some rest and peace? Like an engine, it has to rest to avoid wear and tear. It needs some rest from time to time, in order to recharge itself and your body.
The mind often looks like a cluttered room, with no free space and no place to move. When you empty your room it will look bigger and tidied, and it will be more pleasant to be there. So it is with your mind. Remove the clutter – the unnecessary thoughts, the worries and the fears, and your life would look happier and brighter.
You are probably not constantly aware of the restlessness of your mind, because this became a habit and you got accustomed to it, yet, thoughts keep coming and going, occupying your mind every moment of the day, spending up mental and emotional energy, and sometimes making your head ache.
Tension, strain and pressure at work and at home make the mind even more restless, and attract more thoughts into it. Problems, difficulties, fears, worries and hurt feelings increase even more the mental restlessness and lack of inner peace, making you more acutely aware of the swarm of thoughts coming into your mind and making you feel helpless. It is during such times that you desperately feel the need for inner peace and freedom endless thinking.
When you need to focus your attention, study or meditate, you are again confronted with thoughts that swarm into your mind, disturbing and distracting your attention. This also happens when you are worried, angry or emotionally excited. You feel unable to stop the flow of thoughts and emotions that prevent clear thinking, calmness or self-control.
During such times you just want to scream at the mind to stop thinking. You feel that your mind has broken any control and barriers, and that it is working on its own, sometimes to your detriment. It is like being helpless in a rudderless boat in the midst of the ocean, and all you want is some steady and safe land.
It is in times of worry, stress, fear and strain that inner peace of mind is greatly desired and appreciated. Actually, inner peace and freedom from restless and incessant thinking is a great boon anytime and everywhere. It makes you happier, stronger, more confident and happy.
Imagine how it would be to live your life, work, interact with people, read, watch TV, travel or do anything else, without thoughts and worries claiming your attention. Just think how your concentration would become stronger and your five senses sharper! Just imagine how your understanding, comprehension, awareness and intuition will increase!
You need mental and emotional training, in order to overcome nonstop thinking and free yourself the compulsion, and it is a compulsion, to think incessantly and involuntary, and fill your mind with thoughts that weaken you and distract your attention. You also need to develop some degree of inner detachment and mastery over your mind.
There are no short cuts to overcoming nonstop thinking and lack of inner peace. The aim is not to stunt your mind through hypnosis or subliminal programming, but to gain real inner peace, which you can enjoy while staying active, pursuing your goals, and while handling more efficiently and peacefully your daily affairs of life.
Everything worth having requires work and effort. You cannot become a pilot, an Olympic champion or an engineer by listening to a CD, hypnotizing yourself or saying some magic words. Developing inner abilities, such as calming down your mind, is no different.
Here are a few simple things that can help you:
- Reduce the amount of time you read the newspapers or watch the news on TV.
- Stay away from negative conversations and from negative people.
- Don’t hold grudges. Learn to forget and forgive. Nurturing ill feelings and grievances hurts you and causes lack of sleep.
- Don’t be jealous of others. Being jealous means that you have low self-esteem and consider yourself inferior to others. Jealousy and low self-esteem, often lead to lack of inner peace.
- Accept what cannot be changed. This saves a lot of time, energy and worries.
- Every day we face numerous inconveniences, irritations and situations that are beyond our control. If we can change them, that’s fine, but this is not always possible. We must learn to put up with such things and accept them cheerfully.
- Learn to be more patient and tolerant with people and events.
- Don’t take everything too personally. Some emotional and mental detachment is desirable. Try to view your life and other people with a little detachment and less involvement. Detachment is not indifference, lack of interest or coldness. It is the ability to think and judge impartially and logically. Don’t worry if again and again you fail to manifest detachment. Just keep trying.
- Let bygones be gone. Forget the past and concentrate on the present moment. There is no need to evoke unpleasant memories and immerse yourself in them.
- Practice some concentration exercises. This will help you to reject unpleasant thoughts and worries that steal away your peace of mind.
- Learn to practice meditation. Even a few minutes a day will make a change in your life.
Inner peace ultimately leads to external peace. By creating peace in our inner world, we bring it into the external world, affecting other people too.
Written by Remez Sasson
© Copyright Remez Sasson
Remez Sasson teaches and writes on positive thinking, creative visualization, motivation, self-improvement, peace of mind, spiritual growth and meditation. He is the author of several books, among which are “Peace of mind in Daily Life”, “Will Power and Self Discipline”, “Visualize and Achieve” and “Affirmations – Words of Power”.
Visit his website and find articles and books filled with inspiration, motivation and practical advice and guidance.
- The Inner Dialogue (mediumsworld.wordpress.com)
- The Magnetic, Attracting, Power of the Mind (mediumsworld.wordpress.com)
- Thought for the day ~ Peace (mediumsworld.wordpress.com)
- Fear, Worry and Doubt ~ The Enemies Of Your Self-Confidence (mediumsworld.wordpress.com)
- Be Careful What You Wish For… (mediumsworld.wordpress.com)
The terms “self-esteem” and “self-respect” may seem at first glance very similar, if not exactly the same. But they are indeed very different things and have very different consequences, especially when cultivated at a young age.
Psychiatrists, psychologists, counselors and other experts for years have encouraged parents and teachers to cultivate self-esteem in kids. About thirty years ago, it became very popular among child experts to tout self-esteem as the solution to all our children’s problems. We’ve heard it a million times—high self-esteem is good, low self-esteem is bad. But what does this really mean and what effect does it have in the long-term?
Self-esteem means simply thinking highly of one’s self. Many parents, teachers and psychologists feel that by showering a child with praise, he or she will grow up with a positive attitude and confidence. But often self-esteem that is left unchecked can develop into destructive behavior: thinking less of others, un-gratefulness, arrogance, cockiness. The pursuit of self-esteem can become, as described by family psychologist and parenting expert John Rosemond, “an excuse to do your own thing—regardless of whether or not the “thing” in question is anti-social—and quickly mutate[s] into self-worship.”
Self-respect, on the other hand, is a mindset that allows us to become grateful, humble and well-adjusted. Self-respect encompasses respect not just of ourselves, but also of others. In fact, by respecting our fellow humans we can learn to respect ourselves more. When we have self-respect, we love ourselves but do not become arrogant or cocky. As Rosemond puts it, “A person growing in self-respect understands that he is an imperfect being who was given the gift of life in order to serve.”
Self-respect is akin to the Golden Rule: in order to receive respect and learn to respect ourselves, we must learn to give respect to others. And while having confidence is not a bad thing, people who are over-confident (and who are often seen as arrogant) haven’t learned this principle—that in order to get respect from others and from ourselves, we must first learn to give.
Self-respect is gained “not by being told how wonderful you are,” Rosemond writes. “But by developing respect for others.”
As you’ve probably experienced, people who have grown up being told how great they are usually aren’t very fun to be around and don’t make very good friends. But people who have been taught to take an interest in and care about others while maintaining a positive attitude about themselves tend to be the type of interesting people with whom we enjoy spending time.
By encouraging our children’s individuality and growth by teaching them to be confident yet humble and respectful, we can help them become adults who have healthy, stable relationships and friendships, and respect for themselves and others.
Mark Arens – About the Author:
Help your children to gain self-respect by taking one step at a time. One way to accomplish this is to help your child set goals.
“If you take your eyes off your goals, all you see are obstacles.”
“…You need to believe that you can affect circumstances and situations in your life in order to have the confidence and courage you’ll need to meet the many challenges you face.”
No one will believe in you until you believe in yourself. Create your own life and then go out and live it. Self confidence often becomes contagious and others will follow in your foot steps. As we get better, so do others.
Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a winner and a great individual and believe in yourself, Self-esteem is described as confidence in one’s own worth or abilities, and pertains to a personal appraisal of ourselves. Yet, unfortunately, we often make this evaluation based on cues we receive from society. In other words, we look to others to establish who we are, how we should behave, and how we’re valued, even though this societal reflection won’t be an accurate indicator of what we are made of.
Trying to measure up to a dominant mindset, antiquated cultural rules, or stigmatizing stereotypes that don’t serve you well isn’t the best plan. Using such subjective measuring devices may also explain why you don’t always feel like a good fit. Bottom line, try not to rely totally on the outside world to validate you. A better option is to equalize the playing field by believing in, and validating yourself.
Remember that your body is a temple, and you are a treasure. You are unique, precious, and one-of-a-kind. Believe that you have a right to be here; that you are worth the effort of saving, educating, healing, playing with, working with, loving, and sharing a lifetime with.
Say the following words like a mantra. “I believe I am worth believing in.” Say these words every day. You’ll be amazed how the universe will contrive to make it so.
Changes in life are inevitable. One who accepts them and changes with them is the one who succeeds in life. There are instances in life when everything gets blocked and you find yourself helpless. In such a situation one who accepts it and tries to fight out new ways to overcome the situation emerges in flying colors. One who thinks that such a change has in fact left him to do nothing, can do nothing but brood over his misfortune. Working in new directions helps one find light.
Changes make life challenging and without a challenge life is boring. It is also very important to notice small changes early so that you can adapt to bigger changes easily. It is better to try new things than remain in a hopeless situation. Old beliefs do not lead you to new ideas. Hence, it is necessary to change. If change is anticipated, monitored, and quickly adapted to, then it becomes enjoyable as well. Some changes are harder then others no matter how you think you have prepared yourself and as you grow older and wiser, it does seem easier. Accepting ‘change’ allows us to grow and if we don’t grow we don’t really live. Change is important, as nothing in this world is permanent. However, change must be well managed in order to have a good effect.
BERNARD KOFI TURKSON – About the Author:
A MEDICAL HERBALIST WITH A DEGREE IN HERBAL MEDICINE. A LAY PASTOR WITH CHRISTIAN FAMILY ASSEMBLIES OF GOD,BUOKROM ESTATE,KUMASI/GHANA
We are living in a world, which is complex and forever changing. As such, our personality is also a complex and changing component of who we are and how we cope with our problems.
For thousands of years, the Chinese have believed that the human body is dominated by the presence of “qi”, which is internal life energy. Based on the concept of balance between “yin” and “yang”, the Chinese also believe that energy imbalance or imbalance of internal life energy can be attributed to different negative emotions experienced in life.
If a person experiences negative emotions of guilt, the energy imbalance may change the personality, making that person become manipulative or prone to blaming others.
Energy imbalance due to negative emotions of grief and sorrow over an extended period of time may cause a person to become depressed or to resign to the perception of failure in life.
Traumatic life experiences, such as sexual abuse, or even physical imperfections, can lead to energy imbalance that can cause negative emotions of shame and low self-esteem with devastating effects, such as difficulties in self-acceptance or self-sabotaging behaviors, such as drug abuse or alcoholism.
Fear, due to energy imbalance, is more often than not a negative emotion that can be debilitating. For one thing, it can limit the growth of personality; for another, it can lead to negative emotions, including jealousy, stress, or even fear of success. The only positive effect of fear is that it may help avoiding danger; however, fear can also lead to anxiety and paranoia, which are negative emotions.
Obsessive desire for fame, power, or money can deplete internal life energy, leading to energy imbalance, which results in addictions. Desire can never be satisfied: having one desire achieved is often followed by another replacing it.
Anger is another negative emotion that drains one’s internal life energy, causing energy imbalance. Anger nurtures resentment and revenge, which are negative emotions or destructive outcomes of energy imbalance.
Pride is more of a negative than a positive emotion. Although pride can give one an incentive in life, pride often leads to inflated ego, which may become vulnerable. Pride may also cause shame when one’s projected accomplishments fail to materialize. Pride can cause energy imbalance.
Positive emotions, on the other hand, can supply more internal life energy to deal with life’s problems.
Courage, for example, is positive emotion in that it gives you confidence to accept new challenges in life, to embrace the opportunities of life, and to confront fear as well as to overcome obstacles.
Acceptance is a positive emotion in that it enables one to accept success as well as failure, to know that there are ups and downs in life, and to recognize that there are neither simple answers nor rigid solutions to life’s problems. More importantly, acceptance means happiness is within oneself, and that love comes from within — not something that can be given or taken away by someone.
Life is complex, and so are human emotions. Just remember that emotions, positive or negative, have a positive or negative impact on your internal life energy, and that energy imbalance due to negative emotions is the major cause of disease and distress in life. Manage your energy system to manage your health and wellness.
Copyright (c) 2010 Stephen Lau
Stephen Lau – About the Author:
Use meditation to change your thoughts about your emotions. Positive or negative emotions are all in your mind. For more information on Meditation, go to Stephen Lau’s web page: Meditation Techniques. Stephen Lau also has websites on Chinese natural healing, anti-aging, and longevity living. Visit his website Chinese Natural Healing to find out more on energy imbalance and energy healing.
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